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good byes

I hate goodbyes. Pure and simple. That's probably not a surprise. Who LiKEs good byes? I have never met anyone who says, "Oh, yeah. I totally loove good byes!" That just doesn't happen. Everyone hates good byes, especially when you know its for forever. Now that summers coming to a close I find myself saying goodbye to a lot of my friends, and my boyfriend. A lot of whom I know I will never talk to again. (I don't really know about my boyfriend yet... Honestly.) Its hard thing to take.
But I know there are worse good byes- like when you talk to someone and you both know you used to be best friends, but barely know eachother now. Or the silent kind, where someone just slips away, there, but not. So the good bye that you promise to talk everyday with smiles and hugs is not so bad, I think, in comparison. There are worse good byes.

P.S. I wrote this with my phone! So I shouldd be able to post more often, hopefully. :]

Playing With Fire

My most current drama. Mmm. Boys. In Pullman (where I used to live) I never had this problem, I just didn’t talk to guys all that much. That wasn’t exactly my choice, I just didn’t. And they didn’t talk to me. I think it was because everyone had a preconceived notion of me and just could get their heads out of their a**es and get over it. But hey, that’s high school. That’s why moving was so great for me, a fresh start. Turns out I get a long quite well with guys. Haha. (I don’t mean just romantically, I have some good friends that are guys too.) But with this whole new start and stuff, comes other complications that guys bring along. Something about having a dick makes them like to complicate things, I think. I guess I am lucky in the sense that the guys I am talking about are both good guys and like me enough to put up with things that happen. Haha.

Maybe girls are the problem, on second thought.

So, I have a boy friend [Tyler] right now, he is a good guy. But not always the best boyfriend, I’m not gonna lie. He means well, and doesn’t do anything seriously wrong.  But he tends to be selfish and inattentive and in groups we never act like a couple. And I hate it, I'm not that type of girl. I like to be doted on a little, I like people knowing he’s my boyfriend, and I would be ok with him being a little selfish if it wasn’t for everything else. I honestly am super laid back, so I'm usually ok with doing what other people want. Now that I’ve said all this bad stuff I should prolly let you know he is a great guy. He loves me and makes that clear, especially when he thinks I’m unsure. He is honest and all those things, and doesn’t do anything like weed or other ‘illegal substances’ just because he knows I don’t like it and does all those things right. So, I really have no plans of breaking up with him.

But there’s Ben, who wishes I did. And has out right asked me to leave Tyler.  I met him through a friend and the next day he got my number and txted me. We really hit it off.  We haven’t known each other very long, but I feel like I’ve known him for years.  I’m not gonna lie, I like him, but not enough… So, I flirted toyed with the idea, but I know I love Ty. It’s in my gut, I just couldn’t do it. So I flirted and we hung out, but when it came down to it I had to tell him that we weren’t gonna go anywhere because it wasn’t fair to him, you know? And there was noo way I was cheating on my bf, and I know he wouldn’t be down with that either. So, now we’re just really flirty friends. I really enjoy spending time with him and everyone knows where we stand (yes, I told Tyler all about him. Honesty is HuGe with me.) so what’s the harm?

P.S. Trust me, I know this is a bad idea, but I’ve always liked playing with fire. ;)



(loove the cheesey ending, right? ;) )

Thought to Ponder

Recently, I came to a realization. Everyone is both good and bad. I used to think that there were good people and there were bad- I mean, I knew everyone could be nice and everyone could be mean, but what I came to realize was people could be truly bad. This is mostly to do with guys. I used to think that there were the good guys, who treated girls right and respected them and only said something if they meant it. Then I thought there was the bad guys, guys who said whatever was necessary to get a girl into bed and didnt call the next day and who just basically didnt want a relationship. But what I realized lately is that every guy has the capability to be both. Instead of being decisively one or the other, they are all both- it just depends on the girl. I have seen guys treat girls like shit, tell them they love them just to get them in bed and then be total assholes to them- however, some of these guys I know as friends and would nvr have though them capable of something like that! Even my own boyfriend has told me stories of things he has said to girls, not because he wanted to date them, but because he had wanted to sleep with them! now, I have been very lucky- guys always treat me with respect and dont try to pull that shit with me (maybe they know i wont fall for it, or maybe its just the type of girl I am.) Like, if my bf had tried that, he would not be my bf! haha. however, one of my friends was not quite so lucky. through this past year, I have seen her fall for guys who treat her like shit, blow her off, and tell her things that anyone can see are abviously a lie (one even told her he loved her...). The guy who did treat her good, she dumped early in the relationship and kept going back to these other guys- most of whom I know! All these guys treat me well, they are my friends, we joke around and have a good time and they never (even when they flirt with me) get out of line at all. It jus made me think about how people act towards eachother and the impressions we give to other people. It makes me think why do ppl treat me and others with respect, but not my friend and other girls like her with the same respect? She dresses and talks to the same people as me, but these guys still take advantage of her. Thought to ponder. (rhetorical question. haha.)


I would like to say I will be better at writing regularly, but i cant promise that... Tho, i will try. It has been over 6 month since my last post and I apologize for that. I am amazed at how much my life has changed since then. Dang.
Where to start?
First- I am still with the fore-mentioned boy. It is my longest relationship, which at first wasnt saying much since my longest relationship was 2 weeks.... hm... [you may laugh at me, btw.] but I think we have a long relationship now, specially for highschoolers. Haha. We are at 7 months now. Tho, things are a little down hill right now. i hate boys and their decisions to suddenly change. gr.
Second- Um. My drama from my old town is soo not gone! A couple of them decide to hate me at totally random times and I reallyy only talk to one. it is weird.
Third- I am so different!! Damn. I mean, I was superr straight edge before... thats out the window! Ahahaha. I will try to start posting like before. this is jus another nutshell post. :]


It is a wierd feeling- moving. I mean i never thought my mom (who had threatened to move like 5 times before we actually went through with it- once we even put an offer on a house in AZ and moved the horses down there, then she backed out. ugh.), but i never thought she would actually have us move. But here we are- moved.
At first, i said there was no way I was gonna move- I even had friends I could live with until i was done with High School [i am a junior right now]. She made it clear there was no way i was gonna stay- but I am the Queen of bs, so I kept saying i was staying. So to get me to go without a fuss she got me a tatoo! : ] A cross behind my ear [I am religious]!
So now I have been here for a month. The first few weeks were kinda sketch, but after that it was pretty smooth sailing. I am settled in with a good group of friends and a new boy. That is my life in a nutshell- minus the old town drama. ugh.

Long Time No...Write...?

Hey everyone! i just wanted to let y'all know I am not dead! But my computer is... It sucks to an extreme. So right now I am sneaking onto my moms while she is on an errand. Ssh. Dont tell anyone! Hahaha. But I have, ok well had now, soo much (guy) drama in my life these past few weeks (actually these past few weeks as of last week, this most recent week was kinda lame, but fun...ish). i want to tell you guys all about it, but like I said, this is me being a ninja and sneaking on my mom's computer, so I gots to make it quick and I gots to post on a community because I "know" the peoples on there. So I will have my V. Academy fanfic up soon (hopefully) because my compu should be fixed later today (but i couldnt just let the oppurtunity to be a ninja slide!), so then i will update you on my crazed life! Ah! Okey, thanks a bunches y'all (I am a little hick...) and I will write later!

Freedom and Bad Asses

Urg! I made my first ever icon! And I was so proud of it! And then my computer wont upload it! I want to throw this damn thing at the wall!! Urg!
But (said while taking deep relaxing breathes) it is a girl's nose and mouth and you can see the collar of her leather jacket and it says "Yeah, we're bad asses..." in hott pink. It makes me sad. Oh and just so I can give acknowledgement and thanks where it's due, this is completely inspired by goonie_freak and not nearly as nice as hers. But I ha this pic (because I dauble in making cover art on my outdated programs) and i didnt know what to do with it, but I really liked it! Also my fave line was the yeah we're bad asses. So I was looking at goonie_freak 's icons and I was like. Well why not try it. So I did and I was so happy, but grrr...it didnt work...
Oh! But I also kinda made the one above, but I feel like I cant really take credit because the blue swirls and the girl in the background are actually a book cover. I just cropped it, then erased the words and added freedom. So ishly made it, into an icon at least. : ]

So I havent been on in a really long time and I just wanted to pop in and say hello before I shut off the lights tonight!

Reason for absense: School.
It is SO crazy right now. We just entered our last 3 or 4 weeks and the teachers decided to cram in the hw before we left for summer. ugh.

Anywho, g2g to beddy bye! Luvs!

Drama, Drama, Drama (cont.)

Crazy stuff ahead, and probably lots of typo's, but try to fight through them!
So I will tell you about my group drama that is now resolved. J last week was acting all cranky and angry. I knew something was up, but she wasnt telling me.  I was a little upset when she told our mutual friend K first, but I am her best friend... I did get over that tho. So it is ok. Then K told me that J told her (I love chains! Ah! They are so teenage girl drama movie!...Which is almost what this is...) that she hated our friends S and Sh with the burning passion of 5,000 suns and the burning passion of 10,000 suns. S was the more hated one. Then I had to step in to avoid a huge blow out fight and try to convince them to talk on the day I was gone. Of course, my 2 stubborn and bitchy friends (I seriously believe I am a saint to have patience with my two best friends and their temper) couldnt even talk to eachother! Then when I got back on Monday they both had stuff to do and I had stuff to do, so I didnt mess with it, but was still disappointed they didnt try.  was especially irratated when J left to do her thing at lunch and didnt say anything to them, but Sh thought she had. Now, usually Sh is our rock and very mild tempered, but she ws just along S with being stubborn and stupid. So J left and they started talking about her and all this drama. I promptly told them I didnt want to talk about (they were all my friends and i was even ground, I couldnt just let them rip her apart behind her back. A little complaining i ok, but this wasnt complaining)
The next day I told them I was going on a "Good Friend Strike"  at lunch time if they hadn talked to eachother. I was getting sick of everyone acting so immature (of course they just kinda ignored me). Luckily, I am more stubborn than either them (when it comes to important stuff) and they both knew in their hearts this was best. I was also sick of hearing them both talk sh*t about eachother when they called me, as I said before it wasnt serious, but it was annoying. So I got to school and I was talking with J and K, something comes up about the fight and I tell her I was tired of everything and I wanted it taken care of before there is a bigger, unfixable fight. Then I add a glare and J changes the subject. Not long after, S and Sh show up.
I give both S and J meaningful looks and I know at least J understands. So she tells S she is not mad at her. S replies with a simple, "Ok," and starts to walk away. There she did it, I was so angry. I called, "S...!" "What?"she replies. "She talked to you!" (S's big thing was she wasnt the one with the problem, she didnt want to take the initiative, or hurt her pride a little to take the step and settle it). So she rolls her eyes and takes a few steps back to us. I was like, "No, I am serious. I am so tired of everyone acting like fucking 5 year olds!" Now, I rarely cuss when I am angry, only when I am joking around. So they got all got wide eyed and just looked at each other for a moment then S said in a very eloquent manner, "I love it when she gets angry!"
Yes, that was the emotion I wanted to instill. Ugh...
But it got the point across and they talked it out. So, yes I won. : ]
Also I have been driing for about a week now and I got some pretty...interesting, and slightly scary, stories to tell tomorrow. Promise. But I gots to get to bed! 'Night!

Drama, Drama, Drama

First, driving. So I took my written part of the driving test about 2 weeks ago. Then on Wednesday, I took the driving part... Oh dear. I have been practiing everything, except my backing around a corner. But why the hell do we need to know how to back around a corner? When will we do that? Is that even technically legal? I am telling you these people who make these damn laws are absolutely crazy!! Oh grrr... Then my parallel parking was spotless, absolutely pristine, until I decided to be a damn perfectionist and make it 100% straight. Points docked for that. Then once, I went from a two lane to a one lane, but at first I thought it was a two lane to a two lane. Yeah, f-ing perfect. So I did the pefectly legal *cough* thing and went into the second lane, closest lane that was legal if it was a two lane. Which of course, it wasnt. Immediately, I let out a big old "Shoot!" and continued with the drive. From there, I didnt pull close enough to the side of the street and ended up with my butt hanging out diagnolly towards the street. [In my defense, it was not in the street.] Then screwed up the backing around the corner by going way too wide and ending up, again, with my butt hanging out. [This time in the street.] During the straightening to the curb of that ordeal I ended up getting a tire on the curb. Then, finally, I stopped a little late and ended up over a stop line, into a cross walk [no people were in it, no worries] So we returned to the DOL office with knowledge that I failed and the knowledge that I would have to tell my mother of this. Whis would mean she was right when she predicted I woul fail in my forst attempt, so, if you didnt know, for a teenager that is a personal hell. And... (drum roll please...)
I passed!
With an 84, below an 80 is failing, but heh. Dont be a kill joy, damn it! So I was flying high, telling my mom through her phone convo [it is a permanent attachment to her ear] that I passed over and over again in only a slightly, or not so slightly, smug way. Then promptly got odd looks from the other DOL lady behind the counter, that, instead of glaring back like I usually would, I smiled until she asked if I was gonna come get the actual liscense. But alas, I couldnt because it was not my birthday yet. Only a short and excruciating time period to wait. Ah poo.
Now, the real stutter in my happiness. When my mom, like the evil kill joy she really is [not really, actually my mom is kinda awesome] she decided to recount how many I got wrong.
I actually didnt pass. Ah shit.
So I was freaking out, and thinking they are gonna call me and etc. etc. Like full blown my head is realing and I am about ready to go screaming down the damn hall that they better not take my liscense or they will see how tempramental a teenage girl can really be if she dont get her way. I am a crazy bitch!(said in a Tyra Banks voice, or Kathy Griffin while impersonating Tyra [or Oprah] type of voice) Of course in the pure sake of funny I told this story in a similar manner and made all my friends laugh and one friend came up with this great idea.
I just needed to tell them that I had told my dieing grandmother that I had gotten my liscense and she was waiting to see me becuse my heartless parents wouldnt take me to see my fading Nana. And just start balling and pouring out this amazing sob story! I am all for it! Already got all this big old, complicated story picked out perfect. But then, after I had spent all this time to create this elaborate piece of work, my step father tells me.
Oh, if they told you that you passed, you passed. They wont change it.
How do you know? oh right, he is a traffic safety teacher. As far as I can tell he (the DOL guy, not my dad) probably gave me a few points because he thought I was nice (or he knew I would go crazy, ghetto moment Tyra banks on his ass). We had, had a few friendly conversations when I took my written test and then before we actually took the drive. I discovered his name is Brian and he is going to have a little baby girl, his first kid. And that it was ok for me to talk during the test, which I did a little. Even that small amount of human contact can sway the way someone helps eachother. So yay my over active speach vomit! haha.

I was planning on telling you all my friend drama (which is big and juicy) and my writing dilema and about a gorgeous guy, or relatively gorgeous, and shows and my sister, but this is already long and I am tired. So, in the morning then!

P.S. Please excuse the crude language in this piece, I thought it added to the effect. : ]

Busy Bees

So a few things to talk about!
First, I have a community! It is actually quite exciting (no matter how lame it will probably be). It is creativ_writers and is for, well, creative writers... Go figure, right? Anyway, I wanted a friendly place for (assumably amatuer) writers of any genre. I think if I get a few people who actually want to use it as a place to... is express themselves too disney-movie-trying-to-be-teenage-problem-drama-while-still-being-kid-friendly-ish? haha, I know. Anyway, I will try to post a peice of my own up there sometime after I get at least one person signed up. So if you are interested go join now. I am actually begging-ish, haha, not really. : ]
Next, boys! haha, not boys I have met though, unfortunately. I was watching Never Back Down with Cam Gigandet. Seen it? Yeah, it is kinda, really extra amazying. Maybe its just me, but hot guys beating each other up is very sexy! Whoot! Whoot! Come on, you know you are smiling...and now agreeing... and now laughing. I am telepathetic, I know. ; )
Really, it is probably only in movies with all the make up and good guys winning over the bad guys. It definitely has a very hott, heady allure to it. Ya know? The make up making them not look too bad helps, and knowing no one is actually getting hurt helps too. Plus there is the fun kicks and jumps that wouldnt happen in real life. But seeing the tricks and those guys (Cam Gigandet!) is very, very hott. *sigh* It is a shame I will never meet them and make them fall in love with me... or meet them and kidnap them, but they would like it because I am hott. ; ) haha.
Finally, I think I get my driver liscense later this month! Ah! How amazing right? I just have to pass the written test... and I failed the practie one online. FML.